I told you it would take a long time to say what I need to say... Anyway, here's a bit more personal information.
I was born into a somewhat more than nominally Catholic family, although my mother comes from a more Pentecostal/signs & wonders background. I was a precocious kid and read a lot of science books which made me despair of finding God or heaven, since they all taught that we were the products of blind evolution. I grew up as a black member of a black family during the tail end of the more severe part of the civil rights struggle. I became a Christian while in junior high school.
My parents, unfortunately, split up during that time, and, being fatherless and somewhat directionless, I drifted away from the faith during high school. In fact, I drifted through high school and into the Army, where I came face to face with the fact that I could die at any time. Believe me, that will get a man thinking about the serious questions of life! As a result of that experience I turned back to Christ at the end of my enlistment and said goodbye to the Army.
Facing adulthood after the childhood I had lived through left a number of dents, dings and broken places in my soul, and I looked for a place of healing. I was going to a Lutheran church at the time and it wasn't a bad place, but I longed for something more. I always thought that the church was supposed to be a place of healing (after all, so many churches advertise themselves as such).
In my searching I found a church group which met on college campuses and seemed to be full of life and joy. They were headed by a dynamic leader who really seemed to have his act together. But what I didn't know was that they were actually an abusive group. During the two decades I met with them, I saw many of the abuses and aberrations they practiced, but I was taught to swallow it and accept it all as "God's will". Finally, about three and a half years ago I and a number of others left the group.
We who left read many books on recovering from spiritual abuse and on the need to find a "healthy church." In future posts, I will describe what it's been like looking for such a church, and how my experiences have caused me to look at the contemporary evangelical subculture in the United States.
By the way, I am still a Christian. I can recite the Apostle's Creed without crossing my fingers behind my back. But it's been a rather wild ride.
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2 comments:
I found myself zeroing in on this bit from your intro to your spiritual odyssey:
"In future posts, I will describe what it's been like looking for such a church, and how my experiences have caused me to look at the contemporary evangelical subculture in the United States."
And I immediately thought of a precious cyber-brother in Christ, Jim Baumgaertel of www.procinwarn.com.
Jim has a very insightful article on his blog about The Evangelical Subculture which I think you'd be extremely interested in reading. You may very well enjoy the chance to make contact with Jim. He's a neat brother who's made many of the same observations you have of life in "evangelicalism," or "churchianity" vs. expressions of the true Christian faith and life.
I've enjoyed many exchanges with Jim via email and appreciate his careful insights. I think you would too.
I just discovered your site today, so haven't had the chance to peruse it much yet, but I find myself resonating with many of the things you have observed, experienced and expressed here.
I look forward to spending some more time at this site.
What I've read so far has been a real blessing. The Lord's Spirit is due our total gratefulness for leading us into truth, despite many twists and turns along the way.
In Christ,
Lynn in Phoenix
Thanks for your comment and the link to Jim's website. I have briefly perused it and appreciate his attention to many of the same concerns I have.
I do have a rather different view of some issues. Because the abusive church I was involved in was patterned on Plymouth Brethren principles of meeting, I am somewhat wary of that sort of thing. I think that the Plymouth Brethren pattern of conducting church meetings is fine, as long as the participants don't make a fetish out of it, or look down on those who don't meet in the same way the Brethren do.
I also say a full and hearty "Amen" to the teaching of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy regarding the role of women in the church. It's easy for me to say, since I am a guy. Yet I don't believe that women should be left without a means to voice their concerns and preferences, having seen how women were abused and mistreated in my old church. One thing I believe is that both the men and the women of a church should have a say in choosing their elders, since both the men and the women will either be blessed by, or have to suffer under these elders once they are chosen.
My only other concern is that under the "Books to Consider" is a link to the New Testament Reformation Fellowship, an organization which lists Jonathan Lindvall as one of its church workers. I am greatly concerned by Mr. Lindvall and some of his teachings on parental authority, and I stated these concerns in my blog post titled, "Daddy Hammer and Mommy Chisel." Because of his teachings, I cannot in good conscience recommend Jonathan Lindvall as a source of guidance to anyone.
I appreciate the links to books which criticize the political militancy of the Religious Right. It's good to hear other people pointing out the wackiness of people like James Dobson and Jerry Falwell, as well as pointing out the destructiveness of the Bush presidency.
I'll keep reading Mr. Baumgaertel's site. Again, thanks!
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